Spreading the plague (of happiness)
Posted by Rayanne F. in Writing on October 11, 2010
Have you ever been looking forward to something exciting and the day comes and goes, you enjoy yourself, but then you’re left feeling like “Great.. Half the fun was looking forward to that, and now it’s over..”? Even assuming that your excitement was warranted and the occasion was everything you were hoping or more..even then there seems to be this “anti-afterglow” and eventual panic when you realize that you must find something new and exciting to look forward to.
Yeah, I see that kind of lamentation in myself and others all the time and I’m sure it has something to do with the Buddhist idea of suffering (mourning the impermanence of moments, events, lifetimes, relationships, everything really); however, I’m also pretty convinced we can do something about this less-than-enthusiastic after-the-fact feeling..this anti-afterglow. And we MUST do something about it.. Our happiness depends on our ability to learn to enjoy every moment by adjusting our attitude and standards for “fun.”
Whether you’re the type of person that looks forward to vacation all year long or events as (seemingly) frequent as the weekend, we waste entirely too much time in a state of – well, really quite stagnant – anticipation of future events. Myself included. I don’t WANT to live that way anymore and you shouldn’t either.
For most of us, life has become a series of dull moments with, at most, a spattering of bright spots. But there is hope for beginning to enjoy our lives more: it’s starts with our attitude. Typically, most of us have already decided on Monday that when we hit traffic during our morning commute, we are going to do one or more of the following: act completely miserable, roll our eyes, grumble about weather conditions, yell at other drivers, get all huffy, and maybe throw a mini-fit and spill our coffee on the center console (again). And it escalates.
Even if you have honed a certain level of patience for traffic, it probably isn’t an experience you enjoy. But you can learn to enjoy every moment of your life if you truly realize how precious each moment is and how rare those occasions actually are that you have previously saved up all your enthusiasm for… Simply deciding to enjoy yourself in situations you ordinarily dread is half the battle.
Most people can agree (at one time or another) that “life is too short.” If it’s so short, if each hour is so precious to us, we should keep that in mind FAR more often than we do. This is the essence of developing a more sustained, continuous sense of happiness and avoiding the anti-afterglow.
Please, don’t waste your lives living for the sporadic thrills of vacations and nights out with friends because the majority of your time is spent doing very average, seemingly monotonous, but necessary things! A certain amount of thinking and planning for our futures is important and wise, but we “spend” far too many minutes in anticipation for future more typically “exciting” moments to the extent that it’s a poor return on our investment.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t look forward to the future; it’s just that if we want to feel a sustained sense of fulfillment, we shouldn’t spend so much time with our consciousness focused on fleeting days, perhaps far in the future or comparatively so, to the extent that we neglect the present moment. Thus, I suggest we adjust our concept of the ideal conditions for enjoyment.
Our very happiness depends on our standards for “fun,” but most of us have become rather unimaginative (or lazy) concerning environments and conditions under which we will allow ourselves to have a good time. Here, “become” and “allow” are the operative words. If you aren’t convinced that we start out as creative beings, able to enjoy ourselves rain or shine, then give a kid a mud puddle! Or give a baby a cardboard box (my daughter would happily oblige)! I won’t attempt to address the complexities of life that break us of our flexible standards for enjoyment, but I know we must revive these, well, LOW standards for fun if we are to achieve happiness and avoid the post-celebration let-down.
The second part of this is ALLOWING yourself to have a good time in situations you don’t typically enjoy; especially if you tend to get a little neurotic at times (like me) or even if you just find yourself getting caught up in the headspace of future planning, responsibilities, and to-do lists for hours (or days, dear God!) at a time, you need to remind yourself that in the meantime (which is MOST of the time), you are allowed to have fun.
It’s okay to have fun, to laugh (even at yourself), and it’s actually good for you! If you believe in God, don’t forget that he/she WANTS you to enjoy your life. If you believe in my God, it’s practically your duty to have fun, lest you take your life (which God has given you and Christ died for you to enjoy) for granted. I guess if you’re a traditional Muslim, you’re not supposed to dance (or something), so don’t, or do, or just a little wiggle..
Even if you remain unconvinced that you must lower your standards for enjoyment to a level conducive to having more happy moments, even if happiness isn’t up there on your list of goals for yourself, even if it’s not the big fat brush you want to paint your legacy with, please give what I have said some thorough consideration for the sake of those around you. Y’know, those people you share everything with: air, love, moments, lifetimes, children? If you’re such a type-A that you can’t do this for yourself, do it for them! Happiness is contagious.
Seeking The Village
Posted by Rayanne F. in Writing on September 30, 2010
What happened to “the village”? As in, the oft-quoted village in the saying “it takes a village to raise a child.” Indeed, the village I dream of is an ideal place to raise children; however, my longing for it runs much deeper than finding good earth upon which my daughter can make her first mud pies..and mistakes. Perhaps my soul has grown nostalgic for simpler times, the joys of which my conscious mind can merely understand in an abstract way. I’m so passionate about seeking a “village” that I absolutely know some part of me has experienced it; otherwise, how could I be so convinced?
My heart aches to live in a real community, to feel connected to people and to the land (once again). Preferably, one in which people still farm and raise cattle.. A real community where a person can exchange fresh eggs with his or her neighbor for fresh milk that’s still warm.
I’ve thought a lot about this. And it takes a village to do many more things than just to raise a child. It takes a village to give a person peace of mind; to maintain a sense of synchronicity in one’s life; to really feel as if you’ve “put down roots.” It takes a village to have any sense of continuity in this fast-paced life of chance meetings and bonds broken as quickly as they’re formed.
People don’t even know their neighbors anymore! To the lady on the news that just found out her neighbor was a cold-blooded murderer, who swears he “seemed like a nice guy,” if you had popped over to say hello or borrow a bag of peas for stew, you’d know he had human body parts in his freezer!
That’s an extreme case, of course, but you get my point. I’ve grown weary of a society that values independence, pride, and ego above all else; these “values” are so ingrained in our psyches that those of us near the bottom rungs suffer in silence rather than extend a hand upward; after all, with most of us practically worshiping independence, there is little chance that anyone would oblige.
With few exceptions, we’re thoroughly self-absorbed and apathetic to the plight of our brothers and sisters. Some states have even enacted laws compelling a bystander to help if someone is in imminent danger. It disgusts me that such laws are necessary.
Perhaps I’m getting off track here, but the point is that it will take a “village” to remind our generation what it is to be a good and decent humane being, to remind us about things like karma and accountability..to remind our souls that when relationships get strained, you don’t just pick up and move or delete the person from your “Contacts;” when you’ve wronged your brother, you make amends..to remind our hearts about the ecstasy of falling in love (finally, fully and irreparably) with someone you’ve always dreamed would someday return your affections.
This is the village my soul remembers, my heart longs for; this is the village my mind seeks to find, and if necessary, my hands are ready to build.
Rayanne F.